Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
