never play flip cup with pint glasses
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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