Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
