I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
