Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
