the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
