Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
