Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
