he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
