Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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