good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
