Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
