Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
