were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
