the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
