Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
