his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
