The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
