i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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