im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
