I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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