I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
