my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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