i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
