The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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