Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
