I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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