I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Randomize
