If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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