I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
