the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
