i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
