Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
