So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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