you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
