The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
