I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
YAS. BRING CRAB.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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