Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
