you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
