Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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