the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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