at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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