i can't believe i had my finger in that
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
