he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
