I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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