She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
