I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
