dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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