I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
