so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
this is an emotional support booty call
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
